Over a game of golf, my buddy and I solved the pesky problem of traffic. Thanks to our genius no one will have to leave home early to get to work or ever be late to a wedding. Instead, we'll have teleports. It’ll be as simple as saying “Beam me up Scottie,” or rather “Beam me downtown Annie.”

My buddy and I met up again for a round of golf a few days ago and we were discussing how the weather is becoming so unpredictable these days. It never used to be like this back when everyone was wearing crazy, colorful clothes and doing drugs. Things used to be much better and no one was worried about the air we breathe and whether we are going to run out of it or the polar ice caps melting because our cars emit too much carbon dioxide. As we were talking about air pollution my friend said he’d recently read an article about cow’s burps and farts releasing too much methane into the air and this methane was causing a lot of problems in the atmosphere. “So," says my friend, leaning on his nine-iron, “If we had more steak and less milk, the environment would be safe and we could look forward to less heat and more Hummers.”

Apparently the article stated that cows give out about 100 liters of methane per day and it's worse than the emissions from an SUV. I thought about this for a moment and came up with plan: “So, if the cows let out 100-200 liters of gas, why doesn’t anyone collect it and use it as some kind of fuel?" My ignorant statement earned me more than a few looks. “Hmm!” said my buddy, “That’s interesting. If the government stuck a breathalyzer sort of contraption at both ends of the cow, they could collect the methane or the gas and then use it for something else.” Now all we needed was GM to make cars that ran on Methane and we’d have a much cleaner environment to live in. As soon as I said that, my friend pointed out that in “our future” we would not have cars because Scottie would be beaming us from place to place. It took less than 3 seconds for us to figure it out the total solution to transportation and the fuel needs...

Farmers would collect methane from the cows and sheep and any other animals who emitted methane and pump it to a central location.

            

People would be able to have methane in their homes via piping, like we have gas now, and use it as fuel for the stove, the heating and lighting. Methane would also be used to power the teleporters, thus providing a total solution to the problem of global warming. We really are geniuses, people just don't know it yet.